Aging Gracefully is bullshit
Aging gracefully is bullshit!!
There is nothing graceful about incontinence, alzheimers or erectile dysfunction. Anyone who tells it otherwise is lying or sick in the head. For these reasons and many more I fear growing old...despite the obvious perks
Remembering girlfriend names for one will not longer be a problem since they may not even remember their own.
Also, the old can be real arseholes and just be thought of as "eccentric". If I was old had a shitload of cash lying around, I would buy a white Volvo and park it on the expressway shoulder with the external battery for my pacemaker, or my half filled urine bag lodged out of the window like a fucking speed gun, and scare the shit out of young punks tearing down the expressway in daddy's car. JUST SO that I can say, "now you know what that feels like!" before the warmth in my adult diapers signals that it is time to go home, to my warm sponge bath by my hapless domestic helper.... ummm warm sponge bath.
Come to think of it, a warm sponge bath by a nubile young nurse might probably rank as one of the biggest perks that might Come with old age, no pun intended, IF NOT, for the 3rd "little" problem as stated above that also "might come" with old age. Talk about tragicomic...
And this is probably where growing old really sucks... To the buggers who say "I don't believe in paying for it... " Believe it, sooner or later we will all have to pay someone just for handling us.
And you best be grateful for who you have today.
There is nothing graceful about incontinence, alzheimers or erectile dysfunction. Anyone who tells it otherwise is lying or sick in the head. For these reasons and many more I fear growing old...despite the obvious perks
Remembering girlfriend names for one will not longer be a problem since they may not even remember their own.
Also, the old can be real arseholes and just be thought of as "eccentric". If I was old had a shitload of cash lying around, I would buy a white Volvo and park it on the expressway shoulder with the external battery for my pacemaker, or my half filled urine bag lodged out of the window like a fucking speed gun, and scare the shit out of young punks tearing down the expressway in daddy's car. JUST SO that I can say, "now you know what that feels like!" before the warmth in my adult diapers signals that it is time to go home, to my warm sponge bath by my hapless domestic helper.... ummm warm sponge bath.
Come to think of it, a warm sponge bath by a nubile young nurse might probably rank as one of the biggest perks that might Come with old age, no pun intended, IF NOT, for the 3rd "little" problem as stated above that also "might come" with old age. Talk about tragicomic...
And this is probably where growing old really sucks... To the buggers who say "I don't believe in paying for it... " Believe it, sooner or later we will all have to pay someone just for handling us.
And you best be grateful for who you have today.
posted by Shininggoat at 1:36 PM
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