Happiness is
posted by Shininggoat at 9:17 PM
0 comments
Monday, August 07, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
"Schools will now be encouraged to customize their sexual education classes to fit the needs of different groups of students."
Truth is way stranger than fiction. Read this on everyone's favourite local newspaper today, gotta love these headlines.
"Schools will now be encouraged to customize their sexual education classes to fit the needs of different groups of students."
Gosh, CUSTOMIZED SEX EDUCATION, Sign me up man!
This I forsee could be way cooler than how McDonalds gives us such a wide variety of nutritious foods and their attendant options. Imagine if you will, striding up to your form teacher.
Yes, I would like the fellatio set with the doggy style sides and please upsize the fries.
wtf... what the hell do you mean by different groups of students? Being the good citizen I am however, I have decided in true consultant style to explore the possible methods and quantifible criteria to aid in this heroic quest to prevent the uninformed from learning more about sex while feeding the potentially sexually active ones more info in case they didn't know how to do it well enough. This is going to be one hell of an academic exercise...
Since we're probably thinking about minors entering Secondary School, a direct way is for a questionaire to be included in the PSLE exam. But as a nice value add, I would point out that this may be better sent to the people who know these Primary Schoolers best, their parents. After all, parents know their children best. I suggest slipping this into their report cards or having this conversation during the annual parent teacher meetings. Such as questionaire could be framed quite simply as follows:
1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how skanky/freaky is your 12 year old child?
2. When do you expect your child to become sexually active? If your child is fat or in the gifted scheme you may skip this question.
3. Does your child have access to video recording equipment?
4. How good do you think your child is/or wants to be in bed?
Given our predilection as a society for standardised testing, a simple vocabulary test can supplement this questionaire for a more rigourous result. Primary schoolers can be put through a test in the vein of the SAT.
Following this first level of screening, the children can then be segregated in classes or categories based on their different needs and levels of understanding(buzzwords required so that the ministry people can understand). In anycase, one such category may be
Can Understand Most Words However Oblivious Regarding Etiquette
or C.U.M.W.H.O.R.E for short.
This label can be sewn on the uniforms of the students for easy identification by the teaching staff. Who can then tailor their level of instruction based on these special needs. My hairy ass!
Segregating students based on their sexual education needs is rubbish.
"Schools will now be encouraged to customize their sexual education classes to fit the needs of different groups of students."
Gosh, CUSTOMIZED SEX EDUCATION, Sign me up man!
This I forsee could be way cooler than how McDonalds gives us such a wide variety of nutritious foods and their attendant options. Imagine if you will, striding up to your form teacher.
Yes, I would like the fellatio set with the doggy style sides and please upsize the fries.
wtf... what the hell do you mean by different groups of students? Being the good citizen I am however, I have decided in true consultant style to explore the possible methods and quantifible criteria to aid in this heroic quest to prevent the uninformed from learning more about sex while feeding the potentially sexually active ones more info in case they didn't know how to do it well enough. This is going to be one hell of an academic exercise...
Since we're probably thinking about minors entering Secondary School, a direct way is for a questionaire to be included in the PSLE exam. But as a nice value add, I would point out that this may be better sent to the people who know these Primary Schoolers best, their parents. After all, parents know their children best. I suggest slipping this into their report cards or having this conversation during the annual parent teacher meetings. Such as questionaire could be framed quite simply as follows:
1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how skanky/freaky is your 12 year old child?
2. When do you expect your child to become sexually active? If your child is fat or in the gifted scheme you may skip this question.
3. Does your child have access to video recording equipment?
4. How good do you think your child is/or wants to be in bed?
Given our predilection as a society for standardised testing, a simple vocabulary test can supplement this questionaire for a more rigourous result. Primary schoolers can be put through a test in the vein of the SAT.
Following this first level of screening, the children can then be segregated in classes or categories based on their different needs and levels of understanding(buzzwords required so that the ministry people can understand). In anycase, one such category may be
Can Understand Most Words However Oblivious Regarding Etiquette
or C.U.M.W.H.O.R.E for short.
This label can be sewn on the uniforms of the students for easy identification by the teaching staff. Who can then tailor their level of instruction based on these special needs. My hairy ass!
Segregating students based on their sexual education needs is rubbish.
posted by Shininggoat at 11:24 AM
0 comments
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Stereotypes are so wonderful, convenient and accessible
The beautiful art of the GV Nazis
posted by Shininggoat at 6:43 PM
0 comments
Land of Futile Hopes
took a cab yesterday afternoon and ironically i was on the way to the career presentation of a certain foreign bank. how this is ironic will be apparent soon.
Anyway, taxi drivers being the veritable store of wisdom that they are, mine starting chatting the moment i got into the cab. Now this chap, drives like my auntie on the way to church gloves and all (talks like her too) and I was running a bit late. But being polite, I usually engage the other party anyway. I do know how bad it feels when no one wants to listen to you.
In any case, the topic of TOTO came up and that's when he said something that really struck. "This [insert synonym for national administration], only good at giving us futile hopes like TOTO, how to win?".
That really hit. People who are also searching for jobs now should know too well what I am talking about.
But more than that though, I think what really we should take away from any of this is this. Its certainly not enough to empathise with the underpriviledged when we are down. How many of us go through life not knowing the other side of Singapore? I'm not just talking about the romantically framed underpriviledged, the old, the sick and the dying. They need help too but I am referring to everyone else, people who don't appear on the radar because they are not "poor enough", the frustrations of being unable to provide all you want for your family in this consumerist society.
Now I am not advocating a campaign or some lame shit movement, all I am suggesting is that it might be time for us to not beat each other up and maybe just lend a hand or some guidance whenever wherever. I think if we give each other a break now and then, maybe more will start happening. Without the need to always wait for the government to do something. I hope I never become too successful to forget this.
Anyway, taxi drivers being the veritable store of wisdom that they are, mine starting chatting the moment i got into the cab. Now this chap, drives like my auntie on the way to church gloves and all (talks like her too) and I was running a bit late. But being polite, I usually engage the other party anyway. I do know how bad it feels when no one wants to listen to you.
In any case, the topic of TOTO came up and that's when he said something that really struck. "This [insert synonym for national administration], only good at giving us futile hopes like TOTO, how to win?".
That really hit. People who are also searching for jobs now should know too well what I am talking about.
But more than that though, I think what really we should take away from any of this is this. Its certainly not enough to empathise with the underpriviledged when we are down. How many of us go through life not knowing the other side of Singapore? I'm not just talking about the romantically framed underpriviledged, the old, the sick and the dying. They need help too but I am referring to everyone else, people who don't appear on the radar because they are not "poor enough", the frustrations of being unable to provide all you want for your family in this consumerist society.
Now I am not advocating a campaign or some lame shit movement, all I am suggesting is that it might be time for us to not beat each other up and maybe just lend a hand or some guidance whenever wherever. I think if we give each other a break now and then, maybe more will start happening. Without the need to always wait for the government to do something. I hope I never become too successful to forget this.
posted by Shininggoat at 11:45 AM
0 comments
Thursday, January 19, 2006
wtf...
Looks like the Chronicles of Naohiah is not the only one with unfortunate wording.
Took this pic in taiwan and since I didn't understand mandarin, I couldn't decide if it was weird porn so I didn't buy it. Knowing the level of spoken english in the place though, it might just be a self titled album... Can't decide if its an album title or the little girl's name...
Me: "Hi I am Shininggoat"
HTBTF: "Hi I am Happy to Blow the Flute, sister of Conceived Accidentally During Honeymoon".
Ok, I apologise about the english.
posted by Shininggoat at 1:22 AM
0 comments
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
The Chronicles of Naohiah
Its tough to be a hardass all the time, so every christmas I cut myself some slack and follow the mindless hordes to catch a midnight movie. If you're in the age group 0 - 19, yes, this applies to you with precious few exceptions. If I ever wanted to get depressed about the level of education in Singapore or the future of the nation all I do is head down to Cineleisure. In between foaming idiots running around spraying each other with "snow" without realising the quasi homosexual references conjured, there were the others who just stood around trying to look like they just had sex with their little girlfriends who think its cool trying to look like each other.
But I digress and I suppose Narnia deserves more of a mention. This movie rocks for several reasons. Firstly it showed the world just how freakin irritating kids can be and makes a good case for abortion up to the age of 9 perhaps. By which time, parents should know if they got a whiny halfwit on their hands and should remove it from the mortal coil before it buys three 2nd hand "Live Strong" bands and heads to cineleisure to chew on condoms or something.
The first 30 mins of the movie should have come with the warning, "watch this only if you really love kids, or have a bladder the size of 5 big macs." I say this only because, to me boredom induces visits to the washroom and even the mindless hordes mentioned would know what a big mac looks like. McDonalds being their usual frame of reference, "meet u at Macs" etc... Anyway during the aforesaid 30 mins I kept wishing the Germans had been more accurate in the first scene but the krauts must have realised that letting the whiny kids grow up into emotionally inept adults was a far greater evil.
Another reason the movie rocked was the outrageous dialogue that they got away with. Never in my life would I have expected to watch a movie where an old man (Santa) gives a teenage girl a horn to blow on with the instructions: "blow on this and help will come" YEAH RIGHT... help will come all right...
Gee.. Mr Large White Bearded Guy who rides reindeer, I'm not too sure what will come but your horn sure is white shiny and hard, she must have thought.
WTF...What kind of world do we live in and what kind of messages are we sending to the young??!! If you are a girl in trouble you can get out of it by blowing a horn... goodness! Surely this cannot happen in a decent world.
But to its credit, Naohia never put itself up as a mirror of reality. For instance, nobody in the film had dicks not even the horses which is so surreal. Horses as many a naturalist knows have by human standards, impressively scaled appendages. How almost the whole world ran about buck naked without a single johnson swotting the beavers in the face is a mystery to me. In the context of the battle scenes, this becomes an even more monumental task where the 100s of thousands of dicks had to be hidden. Come to think of it though, no one in the movie had balls either... but who's complaining anyway eh? surely not the vibrant young men outside cineleisure spraying each other with "foam".
Anyway the filmakers being disney have somehow managed to take away the sole benefit of being a half man half horsed creature. I remember thinking it must be a tough job being the Centaur and writing my job applications of late has maybe increased my empathy. Try putting, "I was the little horse on the prairie" on your resume... tis sad indeed. Thinking about the Centaurs though brought home the fact that there are always worse jobs around, for instance, in a centaur, one could also end up being the tail end. For the textually inept, here's a proud visual.
Notice that while not all centaurs are cool, they are all undoubtedly sweaty.
I don't want to be the horse's ass. Naohiah Rocks!
But I digress and I suppose Narnia deserves more of a mention. This movie rocks for several reasons. Firstly it showed the world just how freakin irritating kids can be and makes a good case for abortion up to the age of 9 perhaps. By which time, parents should know if they got a whiny halfwit on their hands and should remove it from the mortal coil before it buys three 2nd hand "Live Strong" bands and heads to cineleisure to chew on condoms or something.
The first 30 mins of the movie should have come with the warning, "watch this only if you really love kids, or have a bladder the size of 5 big macs." I say this only because, to me boredom induces visits to the washroom and even the mindless hordes mentioned would know what a big mac looks like. McDonalds being their usual frame of reference, "meet u at Macs" etc... Anyway during the aforesaid 30 mins I kept wishing the Germans had been more accurate in the first scene but the krauts must have realised that letting the whiny kids grow up into emotionally inept adults was a far greater evil.
Another reason the movie rocked was the outrageous dialogue that they got away with. Never in my life would I have expected to watch a movie where an old man (Santa) gives a teenage girl a horn to blow on with the instructions: "blow on this and help will come" YEAH RIGHT... help will come all right...
Gee.. Mr Large White Bearded Guy who rides reindeer, I'm not too sure what will come but your horn sure is white shiny and hard, she must have thought.
WTF...What kind of world do we live in and what kind of messages are we sending to the young??!! If you are a girl in trouble you can get out of it by blowing a horn... goodness! Surely this cannot happen in a decent world.
But to its credit, Naohia never put itself up as a mirror of reality. For instance, nobody in the film had dicks not even the horses which is so surreal. Horses as many a naturalist knows have by human standards, impressively scaled appendages. How almost the whole world ran about buck naked without a single johnson swotting the beavers in the face is a mystery to me. In the context of the battle scenes, this becomes an even more monumental task where the 100s of thousands of dicks had to be hidden. Come to think of it though, no one in the movie had balls either... but who's complaining anyway eh? surely not the vibrant young men outside cineleisure spraying each other with "foam".
Anyway the filmakers being disney have somehow managed to take away the sole benefit of being a half man half horsed creature. I remember thinking it must be a tough job being the Centaur and writing my job applications of late has maybe increased my empathy. Try putting, "I was the little horse on the prairie" on your resume... tis sad indeed. Thinking about the Centaurs though brought home the fact that there are always worse jobs around, for instance, in a centaur, one could also end up being the tail end. For the textually inept, here's a proud visual.
Notice that while not all centaurs are cool, they are all undoubtedly sweaty.
I don't want to be the horse's ass. Naohiah Rocks!
posted by Shininggoat at 11:43 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
is it just me or is the news just getting really really disturbing?
these just heard on Channel News Asia...
"given Singapore's success in banning chewing gum, Asian health ministries in the region are looking at Singapore to take the lead in banning smoking altogether in 10 years time"
goodness... this is disturbing... our Core Competency is not timber, mining, biotechnology or Corss Stitch even... its BANNING THINGS!!!
I wonder how this is going to transpire though...
I can just picture the war cry now (think Braveheart or rather BraveLung):
"Come on guys! If we can ban chewing gum WE CAN BAN ANYTHING!!!!"
Meanwhile in the background the token inflated figureheads oops... mascots do their thing.
Sharity Elephant pulls a terminator and slices open his chest to show the real reason why he got decommisioned other than the fact that he was pink and kinda gay...
LUNG CANCER!! scary right?
Knowing the immensely talented pool of costume designers in Singapore though, the lung cancer will somehow strangely look like a Mcflurry mixed with ketchup and bbq sauce got split on his chest during lunch...
Next headline:
"Sharity Elephant eaten to death by fat children in Famine Camp, obesity in schools banned"
wtf.... we can ban anything my ass...
Anyway, the other piece of news that was quite disturbing...another IPC/charity in trouble apparently.
"Society for the Visually Handicapped has its IPC status lifted until it improves its governance... Spokesperson for the Ministry says " bet they didn't see that one coming".
ok... the second part was false. If you laughed though, you are burning in hell together with me. That said, singapore is fast becoming the land of impossible standards. Pri One kids now have to write compositions, I remember that in Pri One, having a kid next to me who was TOILET TRAINED was a big deal already... and you tell me they now flush too... wah... Anyway I couldn't help but think how unreasonable these people were: Corporate Governance? blind already how to do paperwork?
the evening news is just really really disturbing...
"given Singapore's success in banning chewing gum, Asian health ministries in the region are looking at Singapore to take the lead in banning smoking altogether in 10 years time"
goodness... this is disturbing... our Core Competency is not timber, mining, biotechnology or Corss Stitch even... its BANNING THINGS!!!
I wonder how this is going to transpire though...
I can just picture the war cry now (think Braveheart or rather BraveLung):
"Come on guys! If we can ban chewing gum WE CAN BAN ANYTHING!!!!"
Meanwhile in the background the token inflated figureheads oops... mascots do their thing.
Sharity Elephant pulls a terminator and slices open his chest to show the real reason why he got decommisioned other than the fact that he was pink and kinda gay...
LUNG CANCER!! scary right?
Knowing the immensely talented pool of costume designers in Singapore though, the lung cancer will somehow strangely look like a Mcflurry mixed with ketchup and bbq sauce got split on his chest during lunch...
Next headline:
"Sharity Elephant eaten to death by fat children in Famine Camp, obesity in schools banned"
wtf.... we can ban anything my ass...
Anyway, the other piece of news that was quite disturbing...another IPC/charity in trouble apparently.
"Society for the Visually Handicapped has its IPC status lifted until it improves its governance... Spokesperson for the Ministry says " bet they didn't see that one coming".
ok... the second part was false. If you laughed though, you are burning in hell together with me. That said, singapore is fast becoming the land of impossible standards. Pri One kids now have to write compositions, I remember that in Pri One, having a kid next to me who was TOILET TRAINED was a big deal already... and you tell me they now flush too... wah... Anyway I couldn't help but think how unreasonable these people were: Corporate Governance? blind already how to do paperwork?
the evening news is just really really disturbing...
posted by Shininggoat at 10:06 PM
0 comments
