Women think too much. Fat retrievers get no respect

Just this morning, while having a brief chat with a Ongie, I casually mentioned that my dog Rupert would love to meet Gray, her stuffed animal held hostage in the back seat of her car. For the yet uninitiated, Rupert is a small lovable golden retriever, just a tad overweight at 36kgs. I have been told that he weighs as much a primary school child, though I have no idea why, he has not had any of those in years.

Anyway back to the topic at hand, methought that Gray, being a creature with no friends and having only the occasional bum planted next to him would have loved to socialise for a change.

But Nooooooooo.... Ongie said, apparently horrified that her "baby" would actually BECOME INDEPENDENT. Ongie, if you are reading this, Gray is a big stuffed toy now and needs to leave the fold now and then.

Anyway, I just had to come to the horribly sexist opinion that women certainly think to much.

The evidence certainly shows.

I recall a similar conversation with my girlfriend not too long ago. In fact, it is a conversation we reprise every now and then. Out of the kindness of my heart and my dog Rupert's good and gentlemanly nature, I offer up my garden and my home for her to bring her 2 ladies (read: bitches) so that my dog can play with hers. But "Nooooo!!" the woman says, followed by something incomprehensible like "he just wants to fark them". I mean, what's so wrong with our dogs playing together??? It must be because he is a fat retriever. Women are such blatant dog nazis.

Its a fact. Fat retrievers don't get any respect.

a little bit of insanity: the burden of consistency

I'm not too sure how it all began, but quite sometime ago, predictability became entrenched as the cornerstone of existence and so being; the ability to read patterns equipped one with the necessary skills to survive.

Looking around it should not really surprise, it is a fool who denies that there are seasons and this darkness and light we call night and day. The intelligent among those who were there in those early days took heed of these patterns and hunted and stored in response. Those who didn't, simply froze or starved whichever came first...

And maybe so it was that little by little, identifying and adapting to these patterns became easier and easier as part of our very natures, driven by our innate ability to learn and this consciousness of the past that we call memory.

I don't know exactly when and it might have been quite a long while ago, when the tribe of human realised that finding no more patterns to follow, it was quite possible and comforting to create our own. And then not inconceivably so, from each person to each tribe the message and the expectation grew and from then on, each person bore this burden of consistency; our wage to the rest of humanity for survival.

The "mean" is a formidable master and futile to resist. There is a tremendous duty to be one with the mean, to be identifiable and comparable, and adherence or any petty resistance only serve to reinforce this. Indeed we as a species have even come to love it, in a manner not unlike how hostages develop stockholm syndrome. We have fallen in love with our captor and have enshrined it in our deepest notions of of beauty. In symmetry, the beauty of sameness comes to full expression.

Speech and writing is no different, for all our protestations of craft and art, whatever can be said, must have been said and understood before. In this way does vocabulary gain in strength and force as recognition and resonance increase, passed through the mouths of babes and fools.

Aging Gracefully is bullshit

Aging gracefully is bullshit!!
There is nothing graceful about incontinence, alzheimers or erectile dysfunction. Anyone who tells it otherwise is lying or sick in the head. For these reasons and many more I fear growing old...despite the obvious perks

Remembering girlfriend names for one will not longer be a problem since they may not even remember their own.

Also, the old can be real arseholes and just be thought of as "eccentric". If I was old had a shitload of cash lying around, I would buy a white Volvo and park it on the expressway shoulder with the external battery for my pacemaker, or my half filled urine bag lodged out of the window like a fucking speed gun, and scare the shit out of young punks tearing down the expressway in daddy's car. JUST SO that I can say, "now you know what that feels like!" before the warmth in my adult diapers signals that it is time to go home, to my warm sponge bath by my hapless domestic helper.... ummm warm sponge bath.

Come to think of it, a warm sponge bath by a nubile young nurse might probably rank as one of the biggest perks that might Come with old age, no pun intended, IF NOT, for the 3rd "little" problem as stated above that also "might come" with old age. Talk about tragicomic...

And this is probably where growing old really sucks... To the buggers who say "I don't believe in paying for it... " Believe it, sooner or later we will all have to pay someone just for handling us.

And you best be grateful for who you have today.

Visiting Time

Some fools believe that time, she waits for no man, but I know better. For I have seen the face of time and it is not pretty, I know she waits for all of us.

Waiting is all she does.

Time is waxy flaxen and weak, it is dry and flaky like the edges of a rice crock, where the broth had beat a hasty retreat. Now the fire’s gone out, and all that remains are indelible marks upon its canvass, our skin. Where once resiliency stood in testament of youth now does the show of vaguely vanishing dents and furrows, announce that we have found time, where she has been waiting all along.

I have seen Time, and held her by the hand. I have sat by her bedside and looked upon her toothless face in helplessness.

I know what else waits.

Sometimes I can hear her faintly calling out my name or mouthing the words that never came, straining to hear my replies. Until it became, time, to say goodbye.

The way of the shining goat

don't ask

These are dark dark days

testing testing 1 2 3